Blitz Tournament Mar 17, 2017
St. Patrick’s Day. It amazes me that anyone can start
drinking so early in the morning. I struggle to put my pants on the right way
around when I get out of bed, lucky I don’t poke my eyes out when inserting my
contact lenses, and it’s remarkable that I cheat death and not slit my throat
every time I shave. Hmmm… maybe I should drink…?
I’m as Irish as I am Chinese, so the day doesn’t really
mean a whole lot to me, but apparently it does to just about everyone else who
claims “Hey! I’m 1/24th Irish on my mother’s nephew’s daughter’s side twice
removed”, the perfect excuse to annihilate one’s self as soon as the sun
comes up and the bar’s open. It should be, by all accounts, a public holiday.
So when I arranged the Blitz Tournament for March 17, I was
blissfully unaware of the significance of the date, was told after I advertised
it what a mistake it was, was awfully worried I wouldn’t get the registrations
to run it despite the offering of the keg that accompanied the event, and then
was appreciably grateful that we did in fact get 21 players. One of which
cancelled last minute, probably drowning in some green-colored, booze-filled,
shamrock drenched establishment singing thick-accented Irish folk ditties - but
at least I got the notice - the other just failed to present themselves at all.
Maybe the green booze had actually gotten the better of him by 5pm.
In the preliminary round, the four groups of five players
each (1 group ended up with four due to the no-show) went at it to determine
which 2 players of each group would advance to the all-important knock-out
finals. Derek Aguirre accepted the challenge presented to him like a man
on a mission. Like Superman who is impervious to 99.99% of anything thrown at
him, the handicaps were virtually useless against him. In games to 15 points, I
may as well given everyone 14 points head start, it wouldn’t have mattered. In
three of his matches, he didn’t lose a singles rally. He did lose 2 points in his
4th game, but the handicap was only 9 anyway, so it didn’t matter. What could
possibly be his Kryptonite on this day? Greg Jones also advance from
this group winning 3 of his matches, one of them being 15-14.
The second group ended up with a 3-way tie. Sante Fratarcangeli,
Mike Parker and Han Peng all took away 3 wins and would have to
draw straws to see which 2 could advance. It was a tense moment. The three
players having a stare down, the three straws appearing identical but one of
course being the eliminator. Neither player willing to take the first pull… The
tumbleweed rolled past the court. A familiar whistle in the background, crows
cawing, sun beating down, the town clock struck high noon… Until Mike stepped
up and whipped out the middle straw, relieved to see that it was not the short
one and would live on to the next round. Inspired, Han then also took the
initiative and jumped forwards and without blinking yanked the second straw
from my hand… and… tragedy! The sharpened end was a dead giveaway. Han was done.
Off to the keg with you. Sante survived the carnage and made his way to keg
anyway.
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| Jon Diewald and Paul Gormley |
Jon Diewald takes home the “3-leaf-clover” award
for being the unluckiest player of the day. He came away in group 3 with zero
wins, but he could easily been in the finals mix had a couple of rallies just
bounced his way. He lost 2 games 15-14, another 15-13 and the fourth 15-12. Jon
needs to work on the frame-winner a little more. Paul Gormley was also
just 1 rally away from advancing. He won 2 matches and lost a third 15-14… Dane
Fossee and Chuck Doyle came away with 3 wins each and even though
both of them were into the finals, they still needed to draw straws to see
where in the knock-out bracket they would be placed. They decided on a
sudden-death “rock-paper-scissors” contest instead. Now, I am no expert of this
activity, but I have never seen 2 people make the simplest of games into one
extraordinarily complex process. What should have taken 10 seconds at most,
took 5 minutes of explanation, trial runs, false starts, and re-dos. Dane won
in the end, I think his paper was the defining factor. What a move it was too.
The final group was the one that fell a player short and
also had this tournament’s sole female competitor. Gina Greer was well
up to the challenge, not to be overshadowed by her alpha male counterparts and
she ended up with 2 from 4 wins. Jordan Dean joined her into the finals
round also taking 2 wins. His only loss was a 14-15 score at the hands of Justin
Winkelman. Gina and Jordan also need to draw straws to see where in the
finals bracket they would be positioned and after witnessing the train wreck of
the previous “rock-paper-scissors” debacle, it was a very straight forward
exercise. Gina won. Gina also receives the “quote of the day award” when
she remarked during one of the matches, “what a great shot!” - a remark
that was spoken a little too quickly considering that shot then hit the tin. “Except
for that”, was her attempt to save face. Sorry, the egg hit you squarely in
the nose.
The finals bracket. Blowing wind up my own chutzpah, my
handicapping here was pretty darn good. Derek took on Jordan Dean and I gave
Jordan 12. Derek of course was still on his saving Louis Lane mission, but
cracks were appearing in the armor as he managed to drop one point. 15-13 to
Derek, hardly a smudge on his flowing red cape as of yet.
Sante v Dane. Before I could announce a handicap at all,
Sante chimed in with “4!” followed by a quick retort from Dane with “6!” So,
with logical assumption I split the difference and gave Dane 5. Dane should
have thought that through a little better and said “8!” or “9!” I was leaning
towards 6 or 7 at the beginning, Dane shot himself in the foot and can only
blame himself here. Sante controlled most of the rallies and took it 15-10.
 |
| Sante and Derek |
Gina v Chuck. Gina jumped in with 8 points, a confident
number I was sure given the way she was playing this day. And she did the most
wonderful thing and prove me to be spot on. Thank you! Unfortunately for her,
she ended up on the wrong side of that 14-all sudden death rally, and nothing
against Chuck but it would have been terrific to see a woman in the semifinals
for the first time. Chuck’s one point experiences were just starting.
Greg v Mike. This one was difficult to judge a fair
handicap. Greg is fairly new to the squash program and Mike has only been
around for a year or so. I decided the best way to go was to make them play
from scratch. That should tell what the handicap should have been afterwards!
Brilliant! So, from my unflappable argument, it was clear that Greg should have
had 3 or 4 points head start. And now I know. Which of course doesn’t help Greg
one iota after the fact.
 |
| Chuck Doyle and Mike Parker |
The two semifinals were nail-biters. Sante took 3 points
into the match against Derek and was off to a flying start. Derek, it appeared
had come across his one weakness - fluorescent lime green (or is it yellow?)
t-shirts! Superpowers waning, he was playing way too conservatively, scared to
lose points rather than playing to win them. But he turned it around half way
through and began chipping away at the lead. He did get back to 13 before Sante
(Lex Luther in disguise?) managed to close it out. So much for Louis Lane. Oh
well. She was annoying anyway. The second semi was even closer. I also gave
Mike 3 points heading into the match with Chuck. The hustle between the 2
players was something to behold, I can’t say it was postcard squash but it
certainly was captivating. Chuck once again defied the odds to win the
sudden-death rally, another 15-14 win.
3rd / 4th play-off between Mike and Derek had us all
rooting for Mike of course. His 12 points was another magnificent move from
yours truly, Derek was keen to put the Sante episode behind him and at least
save himself from further defeat from some other super villain. He may get
dropped from the Justice League after this performance, or maybe Mike is part
of the Legion of Doom… either way, Mike takes the game 15-14, a noble showing!
For the final, Chuck also stepped on court with a 12 point
buffer. Sante was confident coming off destruction of Superman, but things did
not go as planned early on Chuck took 2 of the first 6 rallies and suddenly
held 11 match-balls. Uh-Oh. No room for error for Sante. Chuck just needed one miss-hit,
one framer, one lucky nick… but alas, it was not forth coming. With grim
determination, Sante made sure he was faultless and worked himself back to
14-all and with it another sudden death point. One to decide it all… There
was no lucky shot from Chuck, but he did -it seemed - have the opportunity to
take a ‘stroke’ in the front left corner. He called the ‘let’, but ignored the
cries of “STROKE!!” from the crowd, and insisted to Sante on playing a
just a ‘let’. A true gentleman in every sense of the word. Now, I will let the
people watching decide whether it was a stroke or not, understanding that
everybody was naturally cheering for the underdog to win, so some bias is
involved here. Chuck’s generosity was not rewarded, Sante took the game 15-14
and with it, his 4th Blitz title! Hats off to the victor, one must admire the
competitiveness! I must make a note for the future to really exaggerate
his handicapping….
